For my daughter.

She is six and I have her seated on the floor between my legs as I try to tame her unruly curls into a braid suitable for school. She winces as I tug and I give her a book to read. To take her mind off the pain.

She is ten. Boys are mean and pull her hair. I am her best friend and her other best friend lives in Rio. They write long letters with pink gel pens and decorate them with a million stickers.

She is sitting on my bed trying on jewelry. At fourteen, boys are interesting and the books and movies have taught her everything she needs to know about life. I am still her best friend but I sense that it is changing.

She slams the door shut on her way out. She says she hates me and will never talk to me again. I sigh gently, she used to be my best friend. She has a boyfriend. He wears black all the time and holds her hand. I pray at night that it is all he holds. She is sixteen.

She is crying into my arms. I tell her heartbreak won’t kill her. That it will make her stronger. Teach her more about life. About herself. That it is good to cry. She Says she will never love again. I smile as I remember where my heart was at eighteen.

She has a fierce love for God. I am jealous of it sometimes and other times I am just so happy it hurts my cheeks. She reads all the time and she sends me funny voice notes at odd times of the day. She has a friend she wants me to meet. She tells me I will like him. I remind her that she promised me she will never love again. She laughs. She remembers. She is twenty-three.

She is the most beautiful woman in the world today. I am so proud. In the church, I whisper a prayer of thanks to God for the gift of my baby. She smiles at me as he walks her down the aisle. There are tears in her eyes. “I love you” is what I whisper to her when I hug her outside. She hugs me back tightly. I will miss her so much. Twenty-five is too young.

She calls me at 3 am. I am going to be a grandmother. I feel so old. She is excited. She can’t stop giggling. I put the phone on the table and go back to bed. Through the veil of sleep I can hear them at the other end of the phone. Making plans.

I pray for her every night. I pray that she is strong. I ask God to keep her safe. To help her be more than I could ever be. I talk to her all the time. She is no longer my baby.

I pray for her all the time.
She will always be my baby.

She gives me a card on her fiftieth birthday. In it there is an old photograph: I am sitting on a chair on the front porch. She is on the floor between my legs. There is a book lying open in front of her. She is half-turned looking up at me. I have a comb in my right hand. I am looking down at her.

We are laughing.

Advertisements

50 questions I’ve never been asked…

Here we go….

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?
i don’t have one but if i did it would probably be something spicy. like incense.
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?
probably 24 or 25 with the way my parents are eager to auction me off dierr.. 😦
5. Do you know a hoarder?
lol Yes! Edwina! haha
6. Can you do a split?
Nope. Wish i could tho
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
like 5? never took off my training wheels though so i can’t say i ever truly learned
8. How many oceans have you swam in?
one.
9. How many countries have you been to?
excluding the one i live in, 5
10. Is anyone in your family in the army?
yeah. one of my cousins
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?
I’m so vain it’ll probably be Lisa. haha
12. What would you name your son if you had one?
Arnold. after my dad, my grandpa and my brother.
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?
oh but how i can say that here and spoil my market? i’ve never gotten anything but an A ooo hw3
*collects fans*
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
The Cosby Show!!!
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
Chale i live in Ghana. Halloween for what? Witchcraft things.. lol
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
Yep! Harry Potter was awesome! Hunger Games was awesome! but not as awesome as Harry Potter of course, didn’t like the ending. and the Twilight series is crap. I won’t advise anyone to waste their time on it.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
oh but what’s wrong with my accent? lol but if i had to choose, i would pick British. not some cockney accent tho and no London streets thing. Hugh Laurie’s British accent is what i want.
18. Did your mother go to college?
Yep!
19. Are your grandparents still married?
On my dad’s side, no. On my mom’s side yes. But they’re dead.
20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?
Nope.
21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
Of course. Sesame Street.
22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?
Efua Sutherland Children’s park.
23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?
French and Spanish.
24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?
Gray
25. Is your father bald?
No. He has nice hair too
26. Do you know triplets?
No.
27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
hmmm i think The Notebook. It’s more realistic. Titanic is a classic movie that i think everyone should watch though.
28. Have you ever had Indian food?
yes. that night out with Damaris and Maureen was fun. 🙂
29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?
anyplace that has really good fries.
30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
ermm no please.
31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?
I live in Ghana oooo
32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
Lol i have no idea. Possibly Benjamin.
33. If you have a nickname, what is it?
Rowie, RoRo, Anza, Lizzle, Lissy, everybody calls me whatever they want.
34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?
Oh but what is this? how can one person be my favorite person in the whole world?
35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
suburbs
36. Can you whistle?
Yep
37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?
Sometimes
38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
Nope
39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?
Nope.
40. What medical conditions do you have?
Anaemia. But otherwise, i’m healthy
41. How many times have you been to the hospital?
Can’t remember but i haven’t been since i was 8 or 9. I self diagnose, lol
42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
Yes!
43. Where do you buy your jeans?
Everywhere
44. What’s the last compliment you got?
Someone told me they love my smile. 🙂
45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
yeah.. usually
46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?
strawberry and ginger
47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
haha about 10. i’m not really a shoe person
48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?
I will raise my children to believe that God is King and they must have a personal, intimate relationship with Him. religion is nothing. The relationship with God is everything.
49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?
I always knew. I grew up knowing Christmas was about baby Jesus and not about Santa
50. Why do you have a tumblr?
I wanted a place to rant and pour out my heart to complete strangers. The photos are a plus.

Yaaay!!!!
Byeeee!!!

Every Time I see You

I thought it was all over.

I mean time is supposed to heal all wounds isn’t it?

how much time? months? years?

cos it’s been what, 7 months and the wound is still there.

Gaping

a large hole that just seems to get bigger and bigger every time i see you.

but i can deal with the wound. It’s become a part of me. 

It’s almost welcome because it reminds me that i am alive. That i have a heart. 

 

It’s the shortness of breath i can’t deal with. 

The one i get every time i see you

every time i catch a glimpse of you from across a room,

or when i see your head bent over your laptop.

That clenching of my stomach that makes me stop and hold myself back.

Stop myself from coming to you and stroking the back of your neck

Stop myself from smiling at you, 

because your smile makes it hurt more.

and i can’t bear to see you smile back at me

when i know

i know it’s just a smile.

It has no hidden meanings

It holds no promises.

Just a smile.

 

Smiles on their own are meaningless.

Annoying actually 

because they are a reminder that people lie.

That people are people and cannot be trusted. 

That someone you think you know,

someone you think knows you,

was just smiling

on their way out the door. 

 

And here i am, 

ranting about smiles

when there is still a gaping hole

and a clenching of my stomach

every time i see you

In Retrospect…

In retrospect, I was never a writer, really.

I just loved to see my words formed on paper. And sometimes I was good at it but not because I had any extraordinary talent, no.

I was good at it because I worked hard at it. Because I practiced. Just like everything else that I’m good at.

I realized pretty early in my life that I wasn’t good at school work. I never got any prizes, I was never in the top 10 or top 20 or anything.

But it was when I finished my second year of Uni that I finally realized why I wasn’t good in academics.

I was just too lazy.

 

I only worked hard at the things I was interested in like English and RME and Pre Tech.

And in SHS, Literature, CRS and History. Everything else was just compulsory.

So I just survived school, barely passing most of my courses.

 

Like coding… I did MIS because programming seemed like something interesting… and because I was coding constantly in my first two years in Ashesi, it was pretty easy for me to do.

Then I had a whole summer break without coding and I got rusty at it. Now it’s not so much fun anymore. L

 

Okay so back to me being a writer. Yeah I haven’t written in a while. Since May actually, and now, when I try to write, I kind of suck at it.

I haven’t liked anything I’ve written in 3 months.

*sigh*

So I’m just posting this so you guys know I haven’t abandoned my blog. Just going through a rough patch. Hopefully, I get over it soon.

Maybe I need some inspiration. I should probably watch some spoken word videos and listen to good music.

Any suggestions?

 

Rowie

 

Happy Birthday To All Of YOU!!!

Yes!
It’s your birthday too!
I couldn’t have done this for a whole year if I didn’t have you guys with me. Criticising me and reading all the crap i put on here. Sharing this blog with your friends and reminding me to post. It’s been a great year. so thank you!!

2

My Very First Post!!

20120914-204052.jpg

It’s been a great ride! Through this blog, i got a chance to read some pieces on The Writer’s Project Ghana’s radio show on Citi Fm and you guys were listening with me!

IMG-20130123-WA0003

IMG-20130123-WA0006

So a great big thank you to all of you!!
and of course, this post will not be complete without a few shout outs! lol
so Shallouts to Malota, Nyameye, Okundayor, KJR,Charles, Selasi, Henry, Eddie, JeMilla, Tekpetey, Owiredua, Jase Tay, George-Patrcik, Elfreda, Mateko, Edem Afua, OPD, Kevin, Delali, Efo Dela, Joey

and all of you who have read, commented, threatened me and forced me to write. Thank you.
and thanks to Bernard for giving my blog a name.He told me that i talk so much i should open a Talk Shop and I did! ^_^

– Rowie

The Blue Butterfly Pt. 3

Hey guys, Read Part 1 and Part 2 of the Blue Butterfly.
*********************************************************************************************************************
She was 17 when it happened; when he came the first time. She saw him from across the street, as he looked up at the studio from his fancy car. She wasn’t in the mood for chatting with visitors today… especially rich guys in their dad’s flashy cars, so she used the back entrance to the studio and changed quickly in the dressing room hoping that if Miss Maria came to meet her stretching and warming up she wouldn’t pick her to be tour guide for the day. She was lucky. She wasn’t picked to be tour guide. Miss Maria gave the tour herself which was weird but Elise didn’t really care. She was trying to learn a new dance routine and it didn’t involve ass-kissing. He came back the next week and walked into the studio like he owned it. Elise and Marc were dancing then, Marc had lifted her up, and was spinning her above his head and when he dropped her, she landed squarely in front of the stranger. He smiled at her and she smiled back before turning back to Marc.

She didn’t act like it but at that moment if Marc hadn’t been holding her, she would have fallen. Her feet couldn’t hold her up. The stranger’s smile had changed her life, and it was just the beginning.

Three days later, she saw him on her way to the studio with Louisa. He was sitting in Miss Maria’s office and Louisa remarked that she had seen him there the day before too “sitting behind Miss Maria’s desk! Can you imagine the impudence?!!” but really Elise didn’t care. He was just another guy.
An extremely handsome guy, yes. A guy who made her heart skip a beat, yes. But still, a guy. She had too much to think about.
Her mother was sick as usual and there had been no money for a while. Elise had been working after dance class and on her off days to pay the rent but she was getting exhausted easily and it was taking a toll on her. She couldn’t go to school, dance and work at the same time. Something would have to go. If only she could get her mother well enough to work. Everything would be all right.

That evening, on her way home from work, she bumped into him in front of the café by her apartment block. He was with a young woman and he stopped when he saw her and smiled warmly. Elise smiled back at him and he introduced her to the woman as his friend, Joan and Elise saw her smile tighten as he said ‘friend’ and took note. There was history there. He hid it well but poor Joan was obviously not past it; whatever it was. And that night, as she prepared for bed, Elise thought about how handsome guys like him were always oblivious of the attention women gave them. If I was beautiful like her, Elise thought, I would look for a guy slightly less handsome so he would worship me. He must know he doesn’t deserve me. And even though her chest hurt with the memory of his hand around Joan’s waist, Elise was determined not to let any man near her heart. After all, love was a conscious decision. Wasn’t it?

*********************************************************************************************************************

IT’S OUR BIRTHDAY ON 27th!!!!!!!!! ^_^

Okay so hey guys!!
In 10 days, the shop will be celebrating it’s 1st birthday! Wohoo!
So for those of you that don’t remember, on our 1 week birthday, I wrote a viewer’s choice post.
Read it here -> https://talkshopwithrowie.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/the-cat-and-my-innocence/
topic chosen by @Nyam3y3

and this time, i’ve decided to show my love by doing the same thing!!

So, i’m writing a post for you guys! Whatever you want me to write for whatever category.
Just tell me! So you can send me a tweet or a dm on twitter : @Amowi_
or send me an email at: rowiehammond@gmail.com

and in addition, I will finally be putting up Part 3 of the Blue Butterfly on 27th!! ^_^

all in all it will be an awesome week for The Shop and i’ll definitely be eating some cake.

Come back on 27th of June!!!!

Laters!!!

Rowie…