Vanity Card? Sexism

So i’ve been thinking about Vanity cards a lot lately.
I watch the big Bang Theory and i always make it a point to read Chuck Lorre’s Vanity Card at the end of each episode not only because they are usually witty and interesting but also because they give you a kind of peek into his mind.

anyway, i think this is a vanity card. not sure. whatever.
i want to talk about sexism.
one of my dreams is live in a house by the beach, alone, with like 5 dogs. okay maybe 3 but you get my drift
so i mentioned this to a friend and she says something like ‘that’s sad..’
i was confused for a second.
and then she says ‘at least they’re not cats’
and then i got it.
and then i was pissed.
why have we been led to believe that we cannot be happy without a man?
what can a man do for you that you cannot do for yourself? (except the mind-blowing sex)
i mean. It is YOUR problem if you think a person cannot be happy until she is married and pregnant or that a woman who lives with dogs( or cats) must be a sad woman.
It is YOUR problem. do not transfer this unto anybody’s dreams.
I would LOVE to live in a house by the beach with 5 dogs. with or without a man.
He will be a nice addition but i will not be sad without him.
depending on the guy i may actually be happier without him.
This is probably why some women are in relationships with losers but feel like ‘any man is better than no man’
it makes me sad.
I lost the point of this post. I’m just ranting.
Issokay.
so i may be starting vanity cards now..
because i hear it’s something the cool, creative people do and i want to be one of them..
lol

till later,
Rowie.

Every Time I see You

I thought it was all over.

I mean time is supposed to heal all wounds isn’t it?

how much time? months? years?

cos it’s been what, 7 months and the wound is still there.

Gaping

a large hole that just seems to get bigger and bigger every time i see you.

but i can deal with the wound. It’s become a part of me. 

It’s almost welcome because it reminds me that i am alive. That i have a heart. 

 

It’s the shortness of breath i can’t deal with. 

The one i get every time i see you

every time i catch a glimpse of you from across a room,

or when i see your head bent over your laptop.

That clenching of my stomach that makes me stop and hold myself back.

Stop myself from coming to you and stroking the back of your neck

Stop myself from smiling at you, 

because your smile makes it hurt more.

and i can’t bear to see you smile back at me

when i know

i know it’s just a smile.

It has no hidden meanings

It holds no promises.

Just a smile.

 

Smiles on their own are meaningless.

Annoying actually 

because they are a reminder that people lie.

That people are people and cannot be trusted. 

That someone you think you know,

someone you think knows you,

was just smiling

on their way out the door. 

 

And here i am, 

ranting about smiles

when there is still a gaping hole

and a clenching of my stomach

every time i see you

wi-fi that needs a lan cable –

I’m a bit angry and pissed so I’m going to file this under ‘Rants’

internet in Ghana sucks. final.

whether it’s a modem, wi-fi, LAN cable, broadband.. whatever. it’s just terrible.

I’ve been having internet issues lately. My Airtel modem was messing up so I gave up on it after a while and bought a Glo modem. I was motivated partly by the fact that the Glo guys were giving free internet for the first month after buying the modem and partly by the fact that I felt Glo was too new to start making mistakes. Wrong. My modem wasn’t even a month old… just a little over a couple of weeks, and it just stopped working. Connects but no internet access… so i did the whole routine, go to the office complain, try again, try again, try again, call the customer service line.. no answer.. i did everything.
it started working and then the month ended and my bundle expired. ok now lemme load credit and buy a new bundle right? nope. it won’t let me load credit. at all. call the customer care line… no answer.. try again, no answer.. try loading the credit.. no hope.

and so i gave up. i gave up because i was tired of trying and also because i was coming to campus so i figured I’d get free wi-fi here so no problem. the internet in school is on a whole other menopausal level. it connects with no internet access, it connects with internet access but the web pages don’t load. I’m seriously frustrated and pissed. why can’t we get internet in Ghana that works? i have to connect both a LAN cable and the wi-fi on campus before my internet works now. and to top it all off, they’ve blocked all the sites!! why have you blocked YouTube??? haven’t you heard of learning videos???

yeah so i had to get this all out!!!!

So I haven’t been online for a while… haven’t blogged in a bit. I’m going to use these internet problems as the reason why part 3 of ‘The Blue Butterfly’ isn’t out yet. or any other story for that matter. Not as an excuse, just a reason. I’m not allowed to use ‘Writer’s Block’ as a reason anymore… nobody should tell me that I don’t need internet to write, just to post it and how come I’m posting this instead of part 3 now that I have internet. Nobody asked you.

Rowie.