Me-dulation : (Me Modulation) 


I’m reinventing myself.

That’s what I said to myself on the day after my birthday.

New Year, New Me. Time to make some  changes. I’m reinventing myself.

As if I have any idea who I am,  to attempt to create a new version of myself that is different from original me.

I think I am not the same person I used to be.

That the me of today is not the same me that I was a few years ago. That too much has changed for me to go by the same name.

Sometimes. I feel that I am a different person on different days to different people and this is all a game of illusion.  

That I am not two sides of the same coin, but instead two different coins stuck together by soluble glue parading as one. That just a splash of water will reveal my facade.

Even if it takes the work of nail polish remover to expose my insides, will I pass? 

I stand on the highest rooftop on the highest mountain and shout as loud as I can for everyone who cares to hear.

I AM ME! I AM ME!

but

Who is this Me I claim to be? Is there a way to define who I am for even myself to understand and agree?  Is there a word, a sentence, a page, a book, a movie, that covers the expanse of my life description? 

Would I recognize it if I saw it?

Sometimes, I agree that I will never be the same person I used to be. That I have breathed in the dust of a silver jubilee and it has wrecked my insides forever unclean. I am not the child of my mother. I am not my brother’s little sister. I am not your friend. I am not the writer I used to be.

I am not me. 

And I accept this.

This acceptance even, may change me. 

We’ll see.

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